Holy Week has come and gone, and for many will by now be almost forgotten. But we remain in the liturgical season of Easter, and so it remains appropriate to reflect further on this great feast.
The Easter Triduum in particular can be an emotional and spiritual roller - coaster, plunging the depths on Good Friday, quickly followed by the exultation of the resurrection on Easter Sunday. This year, events in my religious life led me to feel this with unusual intensity - so much so, that I have felt simply unable to write about them until now. Write however I must,to bring some healing. In brief, I had cause to heel especially acutely two short lines from the liturgies for the Triduum: “He was despised, rejected..”(Isaiah 53:3, Good Friday), and later, “The stone that the builders rejected has become the corner stone”.
To make sense of the depths of this, I need to go back a little, into recent personal history.
Last year, I was increasingly jubilant at the changes pf emphasis being wrought in the Church by Pope Francis, and was especially inspired by “Evangelii Gaudium”, with its emphasis on evangelisation, and on concern and action for the poor. This is hardly surprising. For years, I have felt strongly that this passage from Luke 4:18, based on a similar one in Isaiah, amounts to Christ’s opening mission statement, at the start of his ministry:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed…
By extension, I have written previously, this must include bringing good news to the queer, who also are oppressed, often by the Church itself. Evangelii Gaudium reminded me, uncomfortably, with the simple fact that it is not enough to “bring the good news to the queer”, which had been taking up much of my time and energy for some years, if I simply ignore the primary task, to bring good news (and relief) to those who really are poor and oppressed, in a direct, physical sense. The urgency of resisting church - based homophobia and exclusion seemed to be receding (at least in certain respects and countries), and I was in any case starting to feel that much of what I’ve been writing here, was simply restating the same issues, especially on gay marriage. I began to wonder if I should be devoting somewhat less time to writing as much about LGBT faith issues, and to commit more time and energy elsewhere.
New Year brought new clarity to these issues. In my parish bulletin, was an appeal for Cafod volunteers, as school visitors, parish representatives, and other roles. I immediately made a telephone call to sign up. There followed a total of three full days of training, several meetings at the Cafod Arundel and Brighton diocesan offices, and a trial school visit, in which another new volunteer and myself assisted the diocesan director in delivering a primary school Cafod assembly. On another occasion, attending a parish musical fund-raiser for Cafod, I was unexpectedly asked to say a few words about the agency, which I did.
Throughout this process of training, I had become increasingly enthusiastic about working with Cafod, and had thoroughly enjoyed the experiences of both speaking to the primary school children, and to the parish music audience. I began to think up a variety of ways in which I could contribute, even beyond my original intentions when signing up.
Then, at the start of Holy Week, this all came crashing down. The diocesan director had written to me, asking to meet to discuss further my role with Cafod. He came to my home for that discussion, and told me (with regret), that Cafod would not be able to use me as a school volunteer, after all, because I am publicly “campaigning against Church teaching”.
My initial response was to say that of course I understood his position and that of Cafod, forced on them by the rules of higher authority, and agreed that there remained the possibility of working simply within the local parish, where I am well known and accepted, and even find strong support for my activism.
However, the more I reflected on this later, after he had left, the more I found myself angry - not at him or at Cafod, but at the Church itself, which is so intolerant of any internal dissent or disagreement. Pope Francis has famously described one part of the mission of the church, as that of a “field hospital for the wounded”, but too often, it is instead inflicting the wounds, not healing them.
And so, feeling intensely, “despised, rejected”, I began to wonder again, as I have done from time to time before, whether my critics on both sides are not perhaps, correct. Do I in fact have a place in the Catholic Church - or should I make a move to another, one which allows for full participation in decision taking and regulation by laity alongside that of clergy, one that takes seriously the concept of a church for all the faithful that was promised for Catholics by Vatican II, but never implemented?
I fully empathize with your trials and struggles with the unchristian stance of the institutional Church. Resisting the attempts to subjugate gay persons using the gospels (which certainly do not condemn homosexuality as sa love based bond), is essentially a false teaching. There comes a time for all of us to realize that as St Francis prayed - change what can be changed - accept what can not be changed and wisdom to discern the two - must be followed. We all are created to be happy in this life - to love all persons. The Church’s teaching flies in the face of Christ - for it teaches rejection/condemnation/rejection. So my brothers and sisters - live who you are as openly and fully as you ate able - for that is God’s desire for all His children. Love and live - trust in Christ - place no trust in the human hierarchy who has their own agenda - their own closets which they struggle with. They need our prayers. Namaste
Thanks for the encouragement and support. I’ll have more to say later - but first, I must prepare a response to Maggie Gallagher
Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must“
I’d encourage Catholics to stay in the Church and work for compassion, mercy, tolerance and inclusion.
Facing opposition is actually a good sign - it means one is being effective and hence opposed.
Jesus faced opposition from religious and secular authorities: his disciples can expect to face the same cross.
I’m sure you will find other says to serve CAFOD.
God Bless
Thanks for the encouragement and support. I’ll have more to say later - but first, I must prepare a response to Maggie Gallagher
Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must“
Terrence, I feel your pain but maybe from a slightly different place. About 12 years ago I thought I had once again reconnected with Catholicism in a very meaningful way. I agreed to teach catechism to high school students. Unfortunately, I found out Bishop Morlino was not going to let his catechists teach sexual morality and brought in a person from a JPII group who was useless. As the clerical abuse scandal began to unfold and these kids needed someone to take their concerns seriously, they got the Conservative Catholic version of Disneyland. I left my teaching position, the parish, and the Church all in one fell swoop. The Church has no future following the conservative path. It must reach out to the margins and take risks.
Having written that last sentence, in following Pope Francis very closely, I see a pope who takes risks himself, but will not take risks with the institutional church. It’s becoming quite evident that he will be allowed to make all kinds of personal gestures as the smoke screen behind which the Church stands pat in it’s ‘Traditional’ past. I have zero hope that the upcoming synod on the family will be anything other than a two year exercise in diversion. Silence the left with promises while kowtowing to the right.
I have found myself being silenced these last eight months, but no more. There is no future for Catholicism as a representative of Jesus’ Way if we stay on the current path. The first thing that has to fall is patriarchy in all it’s insidious forms. As far as I’m concerned the most insidious form is the replacement of real spiritual ability and supernatural connection with rote ritual and unexamined clerical assumption. In it’s beginning Christianity did not spread because it had ritual, it spread because it had spiritual connections and Jesus’ followers demonstrated real power to change things in this reality. Unless gay men and all women are given the respect they deserve in this particular area, mystical ability will be controlled and defined by substituting charisma for prophecy and the placebo effect for real spiritual efficacy. The world can no longer afford this kind of substitution because it leads to all kinds of abuse…..and you just experienced your own form of this abuse.
Thanks. You and I will have to disagree on the significance of the synod, and the prospects for more fundamental reform of the church. I’m not going to go into that now, but I tend to agree with a columnist in this week’s Tablet, who suggested that we are seeing the beginning of nothing less than a complete paradigm shift in the church - comparable in scale to that of the Council of Trent. Obviously, our assessment of prospects influences the choices we make now - and so your choices and mine will differ.
Who is right? Only time will tell: but my experience of the South African transformation, high in my consciousness as we go through the twentieth anniversary with another democratic election, tells me that change can come, rapidly, when it is least expected.
In the church, I am convinced that we have only just begun.
Psalm 141:5
Let the righteous strike me; let the faithful correct me.
Never let the oil of the wicked (ed. and the homophobic) anoint my head, for my prayer is continually against their wicked deeds.
Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must“
Terence, my response is that you ARE Catholic, and always will be by virtue of your baptism. You are a loved and cherished part of the Body of Christ, part of all of us. As a fellow baptized Catholic, I wish you love and support. Right now in our church, there are some bishops, priests, nuns, and other “officials” who would have us harm our LGBT brothers and sisters. To the extent that you can remain firm, going nowhere–proudly refusing to go away, then it affords others the opportunity to stand right along with you. Eventually, it will become obvious that those who would reject you are the “false prophets,” the evil within. Not all in the church reject you. I accept you, and send you love and support. If enough Catholics absolutely refuse to participate in rejection, intolerance and injustice, our church will become aligned in doctrine and behavior, as promised by Vatican II. If all who are mistreated leave, then the “little monsters” Pope Francis mentioned will win. Of course, in places like Uganda, there is support for “death to gay” laws, imprisonment for gay people and their supporters, and the call for parents to “turn in their gay children to receive their reward in heaven.” The injustice has become murderous. This evil must not stand. The faithful must say a resounding NO. Only you can decide, by virtue of your examined conscience, what to do or where to worship. I want you to know that I stand with you and your truth. In Washington, DC, there were some nuns and others who decided to remain standing throughout the entire mass to show that they are there and “ready to serve” as priests. They remain standing and did this for years. I don’t know if they are still doing it. But I loved this form of internal dissent. When dignitaries would visit this DC church, they would ask why some were standing. It would give a forum to explain that the church refuses to grant equality to its women. This action caused much consternation within the parish, causing disagreements even within families. But the protesters kept doing it for years. I hope they are still standing. I “stand” with them, as I stand with you. Terence, you are Catholic. You are loved by the faithful. Unfortunately, some “in charge” are doing you harm. I am so sorry.
Thanks for the encouragement and support. I’ll have more to say later - but first, I must prepare a response to Maggie Gallagher
Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must“
Greetings from Canada! It is wonderful the many responses of support you have received. (I read about your story in BONDINGS). I see the future of the Church as moving towards a more Ecumenical model while retaining its Catholic Tradition. It will become more open and ecumenically inclusive and inclusive of LGBT Folk. By staying in the Catholic Church you may be called to Witness to this growth and change. BLESSINGS on you and your courageous witness on behalf of all LGBT Catholics fighting (like you) in the trenches!!! Barry Blackburn, (tired fighting BUT undaunted)Toronto
Wonderful indeed Barry, the support and encouragement I’ve been shown. I’m not done yet. Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must”
There’s more to come - including why I believe that there is indeed profound change on the way.
Dear Terence,
I am so very sorry for what you and so many of our LGBT brothers and sisters go through in dealing with our church. As it happens, I recently had my own rejection and suggestion that I leave the church from no less than the Archbishop of Philadelphia.
The occasion was a meeting with the Archbishop with a group of Catholic parents of gay and lesbian children. I am fortunate to have been a member of this extraordinary group of people for many years. We asked for and were given a meeting with the Archbishop, a first for our group. After listening quietly to our stories for over an hour, he left with his parting shot which was to tell us that if we did not subscribe to Catholic teaching, “don’t call yourself Catholic.” That was followed by an albeit, polite, but stunningly unjust critique of the gay community (of course, he always said “homosexual”, never “gay”). In his opinion, all the problems arise from the gay community itself not the church. Gay people are resentful and angry, you see! And as far as my plea that the church tone down the rhetoric which can lead to harm to our children, his response to that was, “When is the last time you ever heard anything negative from the Church about homosexuals?” This was delivered to us, a group of parents and grandparents, lifelong Catholics in our 70′s and 80′s.
I will end with a different and more hopeful anecdote from many years ago. I remarked to the assistant pastor of my church that maybe I should just give up and leave the church because of the church’s teachings about my gay son. He looked at me and said in his authoritative British accent, “Really? Leave the church, you say! Leave it to WHOM?”
Good luck to you in whatever your decision. God will be with you.
Melina
Thanks, Melina. Now see “Phall if you but will, rise you must“
Terence, I too was in the past a very committed and active Catholic but for my own life, soul and spirit I had to leave. To leave oppression and rejection was so freeing and my spiritual journey since then has been so wonderful and exciting. Let go of the old that does not serve you anymore and take the steps towards true love and acceptance for who you are. Shame. rejection and oppression is not meant to be part of our spiritual journey.. You have stayed with and served the Church for a long time to try to make a difference but as you can see it does not work. The Church is about power and control not about TRUE COMPASSION which Christ preached and shared with ALL. It’s word words do not and have not matched it actions. Follow the Light to LOVE and pure ACCEPTANCE. God is waiting for you as you take your next steps. Do not be afraid.