For today, 31st July, the first lectionary reading in the Revised Common Lectionary (but not the Catholic lectionary) is that of Jacob wrestling with the angel. In this post, which was first published on 14th March this year, Bart covers rather more ground on wrestling with God than just the one reading, but Jacob is at its heart. The idea of wrestling with God, or at least with the Church, is one that as LGBT Catholics or other Christians we nearly all have to confront at some time in our spiritual development. At Jesus in Love blog, Kittredge Cherry also reflects on this theme, and reflects on the interpretation of the story in art.
Bart wrote:
For as far back as I can remember, a fair share of my thoughts revolved around either my relationship with God, or my sexuality. Needless to say, coming from a thoroughly Catholic background, and trying to make heads or tails of this “difference” that was to mark me as a gay man, the hard part was that of trying to reconcile the two sets of thoughts. Out of this struggle – and perhaps because I felt I was the outsider in every group or setting – I began to cultivate my relationship with God. More precisely, I started to seek to relate to God as a friend – friendship with Jesus. At times I even felt that beyond the elements of friendship it became more of a love-affair with Jesus. Whatever the case, like any other friendship, I noticed that essential elements such as love, respect, equality and sincerity are the building blocks of a personal relationship with this mysterious Other called God.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)
From what I knew about him, I realised that Jesus would never reject me or put me down, but would embrace me as I am. Early on I was comforted by the words:
“I won’t send away anyone who comes to me.” (John 6:37)
Even when confronted with the “clobber texts”, I knew in my heart that not only were such texts being wrongly interpreted, but also that they were not supported by the overall message we find in God’s word. Strange as it may sound, I found refuge in Jesus where others felt that they had to put a distance between themselves and God. I want to share here some of the less obvious things I learnt from my friendship with Jesus, especially that I have come to see this process of building a friendship with Christ as “wrestling with God”. I will give examples from Scripture to explain why struggling with God seems to be the only way forward, starting with two friends of God from the OT: Abraham and Jacob.
Abraham: God’s confidant (Genesis 18:16-33)
Abraham is presented as the person who had the temerity to bargain with God, seeking to influence God’s plan (regarding the destruction of the city of Sodom). The narrator of the story proceeds to show that in his relationship with God (who appears as a human figure in the story), Abraham is bold yet respectful, and clearly not afraid to speak his mind:
Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? (verses 21b-24a)
We will see that Abraham is quite insistent, as he continues to press his case:
“Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty?” (verses 27-28a)
Reading through the whole episode, we can begin to appreciate how the elements of equality and sincerity play themselves out here. God “lowers” Godself to the level where Abraham can enter into a dialogue, and thus involving Abraham in the outcome of the plan. At the same time, there is openness and frankness in this friendship that is so revealing of the way God seeks to relate to us, so different from the images of dread and wrath that we’re normally fed. Not only have we received distorted messages regarding our sexuality, we have also been handed down some pretty awful images of God.
Jacob: wrestling with God (Genesis 32:22-32)
Image via Wikipedia
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