Gay Catholics/ Christians, LGBT inclusion in church

A Gay Catholic Coming Out Story

For National Coming Out Day, Enrique Molina has shared his own coming out story, as pne raised in a deeply religious Catholic home.

Religion has always played a major part of my life. Officially a Roman Catholic, I also attended and worked for various Protestant denominations.

My mom had a very deep and personal faith. She was often there when I would play the organ at local churches. I was a prodigy, and she was always very proud of what a splendid musician I was, but didn’t pay attention to how miserable I was.

I was miserable because of the often blatant and very zealous hatred and condemnation of people who were called gay or lesbian, or less often the carefully prevaricated “love the sinner, hate the sin” approach.

 

There are a few notable lessons in Molina’s story, of which the most important is the powerful and helpful impact on him of learning about openly gay and respected clergymen, in his case first Mel White, and then Bishop Gene Robinson

But then I happened upon a video of the Rev. Dr. Mel White. Here was a clergyman, collar and all, who was gay and spoke a message about Christ’s love over people’s intolerance. And then I found another gay clergyman, this time a Bishop! Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop of any major church had the message that God loves me beyond my wildest dreams. He said that while some people don’t understand what it means to be gay, others do. He said it was nothing to be ashamed of, and that instead of seeing my sexuality as a curse that God punished me with, I should see it as what it really is: a gift and a small window of insight into the life of others different than me.

This underlines a point I have made repeatedly - that the appearance of openly LGBT clergy is one of five major trends that have transformed the position of queer Christians in many denominations, and is contributing to that transformation in others. This is a continuing and self-perpetuating process, in which those pastors who have already come out make it easier for others to follow - and make it more difficult for those in their congregations to swallow homophobic bigotry or outright discrimination masquerading as religious obligation. (I would add, it is also worth getting to appreciate the existence of queer saints, bishops and others throughout Christian history. Molina is wrong here, in describing Bishop Robinson as the first openly gay bishop. He was not, by a long way - just the best known).

Also worth noting, for those who have not yet been able to come out, is the response of Molina’s mom, when he finally found the courage to open up to her.

Months later, I worked up the courage to tell my parents that I am gay. My mom told me she already knew. Of course she did. One cannot hide anything from their mother. After a Sunday Eucharist, she accompanied me to the local gay pride event, registering people to vote and becoming a true champion for her firstborn’s rights. And I was amazed at the representation of churches there.

Coming out is often a threatening, difficult process, and people’s personal circumstances differ, but when I started reading and listening to coming out stories years ago, I was struck by how often people found their mothers already knew (sometimes asking “what took you so long?”. Although each person coming out must negotiate the best strategy for her/himself, I would urge anybody in that position not to underestimate your mother’s love. There are no guarantee’s, but start with Mom, and there’s a fair chance you’ll find it easier than you thought. Often, as Molina found, you will then find a supportive ally.

A more disturbing feature for the Catholic Church, which is also an all too common experience, is that to find acceptance, he left the Catholic Church completely for an Episcopal congregation. (Others have gone to the MCC, the United Church/United Reform Church, the Lutherans, or others). I do not believe that such a move is always necessary, but it is undeniable that many gay or lesbian Catholics perceive it as the only feasible path for themselves - short of abandoning all religious practice entirely.

Molina closes with an important reminder and exhortation: that continued progress requires continuing work.

I am here to tell everyone that it truly does get better. But we have to make it better. Straight people especially, you have to advocate for our rights as well. Until we are all free, we are none of us free. Speak out against anti-gay bullying and stand up for our basic freedoms. And before you know it, people may not even have to come out anymore. We’ll just fall in love.

Coming out may be a challenging, threatening prospect for those who have not yet embarked on the process, but for those who have, almost all have found the experience liberating and enriching. Numerous psychologists and mental health professionals have described it as a personal growth experience. I suggest that you begin by coming out honestly to yourself, growing in self- acceptance. People of faith should follow that by coming out to God, opening up to the Lord in prayer. (Just as mental health professionals describe the process as personal growth, many theologians and spiritual directors describe it as one of spiritual growth). Then, proceed with coming out to trusted friends or family - quite possible, starting with Mom.

(Following the links at the end of Molina’s story, I was impressed by the site, RUcomingout, where there are many, many more coming out stories and links. Take a look).

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