As I listened to the readings in Mass this morning, I was struck by the prominence of the rainbow. I doubt that when the early pioneers of the gay liberation movement adopted it as a symbol, they were thinking in terms of Biblical symbolism, but for us as queer people faith, it does marvellous double duty, which coloured my personal responses to all of the readings for today.
Embrace the Rainbow as a Bridge to God.
It is striking that the rainbow is prominent in the first reading of the first Sunday in Lent. The text makes clear that it is a symbol of God’s covenant - and also makes clear that this covenant extends to all -
9“I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you 10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.
This inclusion is also the point of the adoption of the rainbow as a universally recognised LGBT symbol, representing in its colours the diversity of the community. The rainbow flag loses something though, of the power of the symbol: the “bow” in the “rainbow”, which can be seen as a bridge:
In Wagner’s Ring Der Niebelungen, the Gods cross a rainbow bridge to Valhalla, the newly built home of the Gods. For us as queer people of faith, facing and accepting our identity as part of the rainbow community can similarly start us on a rainbow bridge to God. From the perspective of conventional Catholic teaching, this is counter - intuitive, but conventional Catholic teaching is not supported by the evidence of experience. How could it be? Denying our identity is contrary to our truth, and “The truth shall set you free”. Denial blocks access to God, the closet is a place of sin. The central irony of my personal journey in faith, was that attempting to live as a conventionally married husband and father, in full conformity with Catholic teaching, was accompanied by gradual loss of faith and a move away from the Church. In contrast, after accepting my sexuality and beginning to live openly in a committed male partnership, led me back to the sacramental life of the church. Since then, the more full I have identified as a gay Catholic, the deeper I have been led into exploration of the faith. Chris Glaser has described how his own attempt to deny his sexuality had a stifling effect on his spirituality, but accepting and embracing sexuality enriched and enlivened his spirituality. Numerous other professional writers on spirituality (L’Empereur, Helminiak, McNeill for instance) have observed that coming out is more than a process of emotional and psychological growth - it is also a process of spiritual growth. Even some Catholic bishops have argued recently (including Cardinal Pell), that queer Catholics should come out.
And so I urge: even if you expect to go no further on the coming out journey, take the first steps on that rainbow bridge. Come out to God, and to yourself. It will take you closer to God, who will do the rest.
Temptations of the Wilderness
In arguing that a path of honesty requires that we accept, at least to ourselves, who we are, I am not suggesting that we must automatically adopt a “gay identity”, or slot into the stereotype of what is perceived to be “the gay lifestyle”. If the closet is a place of sin, then so too can be some forms of its rejection.
In the Gospel for today, we read of Christ’s 40 days in the wilderness - and its temptations.
12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the wilderness, 13 and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted[a] by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.
When we first come out, it can be an immensely liberating experience - but that can also be read as liberation from conventional ideas of sexual morality. If it has not happened earlier (as in my own case), it may lead to estrangement from the Church, and from all religious belief. There could well be a heightened sense of being outside and beyond mainstream society, on the margins - in the wilderness. In the wilderness, there are temptations.
Sex, I am convinced, is good, healthy and life - giving, when used wisely and in moderation. Like much else that is good, inappropriate use, to excess or in the wrong contexts, can be damaging. The same applies to some of the external trappings of Western urban gay lives - the gay bars, on - line dating sites, or videos. Use them wisely - but resist the temptations to abuse them.
Even better - come in from the wilderness. Christ spent 40 days in the wilderness - and then returned. So must we. Michael B. Kelly has used the story of the journey to Emmaus, and back, to argue that for gay men and lesbians, it may well be necessary to leave the Church for a time, going into the wilderness. But, he emphasises, there comes a point where we need to return to the church in prophetic witness. At that point in our coming out journey, we will be “out”, that is relaxed and comfortable in our sexuality or gender identity, but also no longer on the margins, back in the mainstream, at a remove from the particular temptations of the wilderness.
Related Recommended Books:
- Cleaver, Richard: Know My Name
- Glaser, Chris: Coming Out to God: Prayers for Lesbians and Gay Men, Their Families and Friends
- Glaser, Chris: Coming out As Sacrament
- Helminiak, Daniel: Sex and the Sacred: Gay Identity and Spiritual Growth
- Kelly, Michael B: Seduced by Grace: Contemporary spirituality, Gay experience and Christian faith
- L’Empereur, James: Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person
- McNeill, John: Sex as God Intended
Related articles
- The Longest Journey
- Catholic Chaplain: “In this Bethlehem, there’s always room for everyone in the inn.”
- Soho Masses - Supporting Church Teaching.
- The Gay Closet as a Place of Sin
- Coming Out as Spiritual Experience
- For Full Inclusion in Church, Be “Comfortable in Your Own Skin”
- Coming out as Grace: Patrick Chen, on the “Out Christ”
- Fr Owen O’Sullivan on Gay Inclusion (Pt 2): Why Can’t They Just Keep Quiet About It?
- Come Out, Stand Proud. (The Catechism Commands It!)
- The Intimate Dance of Sexuality and Spirituality
- Homoerotic Spirituality
- A Broken Church, and the Return from Emmaus.
- Dropping the straight-jacket to the ground
Coming out was a process started 3+ years past. It was liberating - but a price needed to be paid. There was pain resulting from estrangement from family and friends. I was the same person who loved and cared for my wife, children, friends - yet in being truthful and desiring to stay within my family - faithful sexually - was my intention, I was “rewarded” by a very gradual, subtle exclusion from them. My Faith was strong and provided me comfort as the Holy Spirit guided me within my heart to become Who I am. My “Church” - the institution - cast me off as a inherently defective individual. But I could not accept this as the voice of God - just the judgement of humans in seats of power. My parish priest - my spiritual guide - embraced me and showed me the Love of the Father as Jesus did. I am loved just as I am. God does not make “junk” nor should I be treated as such by my Church. My “Epiphany” as a Gay, married man - now lovingly partnered - has come to fulfillment - but the spiritual journey continues - like the rainbow - whose beginning and end can never be found - but will climax in my Father’s embrace.
Many thanks for this very generous sharing. In my case, an attempt to be honest was also part (but only one small part) of the breakdown of the marriage. I was fortunate though, that at that time, my daughters were very young. Although there were attempts to keep me away from them, this eventually backfired. Today, I have very strong relationships with my daughters - and my grandchildren.
My own journey started not 3+, but nearly 30 years ago this year. There were difficult times - but, as they usually say to youngsters - it gets better. There is no doubt at all that not only in the long run, but even in the relatively short term, the entire process was for the best, for each of us.