Popes, Cardinal Kasper agree: Celibacy is difficult.

In my previous post, I described how Pope John Paul II wrote that celibacy, although a great spiritual gift, is difficult, and should not be undertaken unless it comes with the special grace that makes it possible. Complete sexual abstinence he says, must never be imposed on another, but should always be voluntary. Without that special grace, he says we should instead choose marriage, Pope Benedict XVI, referring to celibacy and the priesthood, and Cardinal Walter Kasper, talking about Catholics who have divorced and remarried, agree that there are major practical difficulties with celibacy.

Yet formal Catholic teaching on homosexuality makes no allowance for these practical difficulties, and does indeed insist on imposing compulsory, total abstinence on us all. For us, the remedy proposed by John Paul, marriage, is not only not available - it has been vigorously opposed by bishops around the world, on all continents.What is a gay Catholic to do?

The choices are invidious. For many, the only viable option is just to give up on the Catholic Church, and to leave it for another more supportive denomination - or for no religion at all. Too many others see no way out at all, and coupled with the problems of discrimination, bullying and actual violence they face, simply chooise to end it all in suicide.

In theory though, the Church is strongly opposed to this kind of discrimination and violence - and says so, explicitly in the church documents. This is the point of a video which has received enthusiastic backing from conservative church quarters: “A Third Way in Catholic Teaching”, which urges gay Catholics to embrace celibacy, and accept the “loving welcome” they are sure to receive in the Church, in accordance with the fullness of its teaching. This ignores the background of the priest who is behind it, whose personal response to lesbian and gay Catholics is anything but welcoming and loving (see the posts by J. Patrick Redmond at Huffington Post, and Sue Mcglone, here at QTC), It also completely ignores the difficulties of complete celibacy, as admitted by Pope John Paul, Pope Benedict, and Cardinal Kasper.

“Ex - gay” is a lie, ex-gay ministries ineffective

To cope with the difficulties of celibacy, Pope Benedict points out for priests, that they need the help of life in a supportive community. In the same way, many gay Catholics attempt to cope with the burden of celibacy in other forms of supportive community. It turns out that many of the people featured in the Third Way video, have exactly this background, having come through, and been heavily involved in, forms of ex - gay ministries or conversion therapies. The problem with these, is not only are they ineffective in achieving their stated aims - they are positively dangerous.

In recent years, many of the most prominent of the ex-gay movements have shut down, (or in the notable UK example, reversed direction, to focus on gay affirming ministry). Many former leaders of these movements now admit that in fact, there is no such thing as a true “ex-gay” - only some who have learned to change their behaviour not. not their orientation. Others have not achieved even that: they may have achieved a pretence of setting aside their gay nature, while continuing with clandestine sexual activity.

“Conversion therapy” is dangerous.

So - called conversion therapy is not just ineffective, it’s positively dangerous. All the respectable psychiatric associations are agreed: sexual orientation is given, cannot be changed, and should not be changed.

Gay conversion therapy is an attempt to use therapeutic approaches to change a person’s sexual orientation. It is sometimes also called ‘reparative’ or ‘gay cure’ therapy.

It is unethical to offer or conduct psychotherapy or counselling with the express aim of altering sexual orientation. UKCP takes its responsibility to protect the public seriously and has issued clear ethical guidelines to therapists about gay conversion therapy.

-UK Council for Psychotherapy

Attempts to do so can cause serious harm to emotional and mental health - which is why a series of state and national legislatures in recent years have voted to prohibit the practice for minors. This video, featured on the UKCP website, illustrates just one experience of such attempts:

In the UK, even the explicitly Christian professional body agrees.

Britain’s leading body for Christian therapists has instructed its members to stop trying to turn gay patients straight using so-called “conversion therapy”.

The Association of Christian Counsellors (ACC) said the practice should be stopped “in the interests of public safety”, but the move has prompted a furious response from proponents of talking “cures” for homosexuality who have promised to fight for what they see as the right to therapy of anyone distressed by “unwanted same sex attraction”.

The controversial practice seeks to unearth childhood traumas, which are considered by conversion therapists to have caused homosexuality. Sexual abuse, bullying and having an overbearing mother or distant father are among the supposed triggers.

Research by the US clinical psychologists Ariel Shidlo and Michael Schroeder has shown such treatment routinely led to worsened mental health, self-harm, thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts.

-Guardian

Is there a Third Way for the gay Catholic?

It’s clear then that it’s not wise to attempt to go “ex-gay”, or to accept conversion therapy. If God has made you gay - accept that is what God has done. What you have to work out for yourself, is what to do about it - while accepting the truth of your same - sex affectional orientation. (I deliberately avoid describing this as “sexual” orietation, because it’s about a whole lot more than genitals, lust and sex).

If you have been given what John Paul describes as the grace to embrace celibacy, or believe you have, that’s fine. I have no problem with voluntary celibacy, and accept that many people who practice it find it spiritually fulfilling. But remember the words of John Paul, that it must be voluntary, and cannot be simply imposed on you. If you have not been given that special grace to cope with what the last two popes and a senior cardinal agree is a most difficult choice, there may be only one viable way o deal with the conundrum - a genuine Third Way,between simply giving up on the church, and attempting to live the ex-gay lie.

After extensive discernment, spiritual direction, prayerful reflection on life experiences, the bible and other matters, and study, my conclusion is that this Third Way for us, as lesbian and gay Catholics, is no different to what the majority of married Catholics worldwide have so emphatically decided, in their own difficulties with church teaching on contraception. That is, to accept that on matters of sexual ethics, which occupy a relatively minor space and level of authority in the totality of the Magisterium - the Church is simply wrong. Accept that, find or work out for yourselves an alternative system of sound and responsible sexual ethics. and get on with your lives, in good conscience.

Related articles

• Two Popes and a Cardinal Agree, on the Problems with Celibacy
• ‘The Third Way’: A Depressing Study in Catholic, Ex-Gay Propaganda. (queeringthechurch.com)
• Senior Bishop: We Need Frank Discussion - Without Taboos (queeringthechurch.com)
• A “Third Way” on Catholic Teaching and Homosexuality (queeringthechurch.com)
• Gay Priests: The Challenge of Honesty (queeringthechurch.com)
• The Biblical Case for Gay Marriage (queeringthechurch.com)
• Openly Gay Priest Speaks Out (queeringthechurch.com)
• Choosing Celibacy - an OpEd by The NYT (smritidisaac.wordpress.com)
• Reform of the Catholic Church towards homosexuality and other martial issues (ryanjhite.wordpress.com)