Vatican documents on homosexuality claim without any evidence, that people with a same - sex orientation are troubled and unhappy - but in fact, there is abundant research evidence to contradicts the Vatican assumption. On the contrary, the evidence is that gay relationships are “happier and more positive” than straight ones - and why. The “unhappiness” and difficulties associated with a same - sex affectional orientation are not inherent, but the result of discrimination and prejudice.
The popular perception that gay relationships don’t last is not surprising, but it’s a myth. We all know that same - sex relationships face difficulties not encountered by our opposite - sex counterparts, arising from some measure of public disapproval, hostility or active discrimination or even violence, and from the greater difficulties in arranging the emotional and legal support of family and community in marriage ceremonies and contracts. So the misperception that our relationships are fragile, and the companion allegation often heard from our opponents that gay men are doomed to unhappiness, is not surprising - but is contradicted by the evidence.
The latest study to show this result comes from the UK Open University, widely reported this week in the British press. This research, based on a survey of 5000 people, including in-depth follow - up interviews with 50 of the participants, examined much more than just the sexuality of the couples, which explains the headline of the report in the Independent:
The key to a happy relationship? Be gay. Or childless. Or make tea
Gay couples are likely to be happier and more positive about their relationships than heterosexuals, according to a major study by the Open University published today
However, they are less likely to be openly affectionate towards each other – holding hands in public, for instance – because they still fear attracting disapproval.
The study of 5,000 people – 50 of whom were later followed up with in-depth interviews – aimed at finding out how modern couples keep their relationships on track through life’s difficulties.
It found that simple things – like making a cup of tea in the morning and taking it up to them in bed – were the most treasured by couples as examples of intimacy rather than more dramatic gestures such as declaring “I love you”.
It was on the relative happiness of people within different types of relationships that the survey threw up the most interesting insights into modern day life, however.
“LGBQ participants (lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer) are more generally positive about and happier with the quality of their relationship and the relationship which they have with their partner” the research concludes.
“Heterosexual parents are the group least likely to be there for each other, to make ‘couple time’, to pursue shared interests, to say ‘I love you’ and to talk openly to one another.”
- read the full reporta at the Independent
This finding is not new. A June 2013 extended article at the Atlantic (“The Gay Guide to Wedded Bliss”) and an earlier video discussion at the site, discussed earlier studies, with similar findings. Huffington Post summarized the full report, under the title “What same - sex couples can teach heterosexual couples” (which is also the Atlantic title of their video).
Examples of this earlier research include
- An early, decade - long monumental study by the sociologists Pepper Schwarz and Philip Blumenstein, comparing three sets of couples: married; straight and cohabiting; and gay and cohabiting. Based on 12000 questionnaire responses and hundreds of direct interviews the findings were reported in the 1985 book “American Couples: Money, Work, Sex”.
- A Vermont study by the psychologist Esther Rothblum after civil unions were introduced in 2000, which compared heterosexual married couples, same - sex couples in civil unions, and same - sex couples that were cohabiting without a civil union. Checking back three years later, the researchers found that the quality of gay and lesbian relationships was higher on many measures than that of the straight control group (the married heterosexual siblings), with more compatibility and intimacy, and less conflict.
- A UC Berkely study on conflict in relationships, which found that same - sex couples were able to negotiate difficulties more constructively, with less belligerence, aggression, fear or tension that different sex- couples in similar situations.
- A 2011 study by the Williams Institute which found that about one percent of married or registered same-sex couples get divorced each year, compared to two percent of heterosexual couples.
- A 2011 study, by the University of Washington, which found that gay and straight couples generally experience the same levels of happiness in their relationships.
Why should this be?
In an interview with Atlantic senior editor Hanna Rosin published online Wednesday, Mundy said that same-sex couples are better at maintaining egalitarianism than heterosexual couples.
“They can’t really bring gender stereotypes, for the most part, into these relationships. So they really have to figure out who’s going to do what and negotiate it,” Mundy said. “Sure, many couples fall into patterns where whoever’s the better cook or likes cooking does the cooking, but you’re just starting from a blank slate in terms of figuring out who’s going to do what.”
So, one reason that gay couples are happier, is that their relationships are better balanced. I would suggest two more.
It’s scarcely possible to live in a full - time same - sex relationship, unless bother partners have first come out, and acknowledged their orientation - at least to themselves. and to each other. Professional psychotherapists have noted that because the coming out process represents a real challenge in learning to live honestly in the face of strong social pressures simply to conform to arbitrarily imposed expectations, negotiating that coming out process represents a time of significant growth, in both emotional and psychological health. That is a benefit to individuals, but when both partners have experienced it, that’s a strong contributor to a healthy relationship. Therapists and other mental health professionals who are also practitioners or academics in spirituality or spiritual direction, similarly observed that this process is also a time of spiritual growth.
And because that growth enables us to move outside the confines of conforming to unsuitable, externally imposed social roles, we are left freer to shape our lives in harmony with the way we are - benefitting the relationship, but also benefiting ourselves, directly.
Coming out, and living openly in conformity with our God - given orientation, is a simple matter of truth telling. And the truth, we are told, will set us free.
Related articles
- STUDY: Gay Relationships Make You Happier (advocate.com)
- Large UK Study Finds That Gay Couples Are Happier Than Straight Couples (slog.thestranger.com)
“Coming out, and living openly in conformity with our God – given orientation, is a simple matter of truth telling. And the truth, we are told, will set us free.” Amen Terry, totally agree!